Ageing Dis(Gracefully)

I used to be what I would call, completely ageist; scared of getting old, frequently lying about my age to the point where I didn’t really know it anymore, and making snap assumptions based on something which is only really a number. Funnily enough, once I matured I slowly grew out of it. Age, maturity, sophistication (and any of those other traits that we assume come from growing older) are actually not always mutually exclusive, but of course, that’s ironically something that you only see with retrospect.

On my Sunday shifts at work I would read the paper and frequently stumble across age themed articles like: “Things you should know by the age of 30”, or “10 essentials every woman should have in her life”. Let me tell you, I still don’t own the perfect little black dress, oversized white shirt or stack of classics but nevertheless I was always captivated by these elusive ‘shoulds’.

Here’s my own tell tale signs that you’re no longer in your early twenties and are in fact, aging (dis) gracefully….

  • It’s more likely that you’ll wake up before 6am than get home after 5am
  • You realise that kissing other girls is a tired party trick
  • On Saturday nights you would prefer going to a dinner party with 7 friends than a night club with 49834 sweaty strangers
  • Everybody hates confrontation but you know when you need to apologise and how to do it authentically; with flowers, a hand written note or face to face
  • You know when to hold your tongue (and stay silent) or keep it in your mouth (and avoid party pashing someone completely inappropriate)
  • You enjoy your own company and get weird if you don’t get enough ‘ME TIME’
  • You own at least one full set of wine glasses
  • Your parents become your favourite people in the world
  • You ask Why? to learn more, not just so you can argue your case further
  • You know when not to spend your rent money for the week on a bag
  • You know when to spend your rent money for the month on a bag
  • You look at other women in awe, rather than with envy
  • There’s at least 3 foods that you previously deemed inedible that you now can’t live without; olives, avocado, anchovies, capers, oysters, quince paste, eel, tofu..
  • You are comfortable being naked in pubic change rooms, and getting changed in front of your girlfriends
  • You can confidentially manoeuvre in heels – that includes running and being able to keep them on for the entirety of an event
  • Your approach to sun is less ABT (Always be Tanning) and more SPF30
  • You are intimately acquainted with your sexuality and realise that most of the sex that you had whilst you were young(er) was shit, limited, shallow and selfish
  • Conversations with your friends include topics like hiking tracks and your Adairs membership
  • You know that cooking has nothing to do with femininity
  • Buying boutique candles, hard cover books & tea are common indulgences
  • You finally realise that women dress for women, not men
  • You’re not afraid to spend a large chunk of coin on buying quality bedding
  • You understand and excercise cost-per-wear analysis
  • You finally understand the allure of lingerie
  • You’ve thought about Perception vs Reality more deeply than wondering which Instagram filter to use
  • You know when it’s time to hang up your boots and go home for tea/corn chips & guacamole or a valium sundae.

Yours in age & grace,


Posted by    |   April 4th, 2016   |   No Comments

Leave a Reply