Good On Paper

Good on paper, not in the pants

Have you ever been bugged by your friends to find a ‘nice guy’? Or been the victim of a whole lot of ‘knowing looks’ from people who want you to STOP CHOOSING ASSHOLES? Yeh, well I’m that chick. The one who everyone says is fun, intelligent, charismatic and cute (even when I’m spilling coffee on myself) but yet always manages to chooses to date drop kick fuckwits who can’t pay for their own happy meals.

Enter your well meaning girlfriend (usually a lovely person but who for the mean time is masquerading as a gushing asshole). She wants to set you up with a friend of a friend/her new boyfriends friend who is just ‘wonderful’, and a ‘true gentleman’ and ‘totally right for you’ because you need some stability. VOMIT.

You meet the guy and indeed he is lovely, and for the sake of your practical side that’s maybe a little bit scared of being an old cat lady with lots of candles and a bevvy of hot cabana pool boys you agree to a second date, and then a third date and so on. Eventually you progress to a dinner date, with cocktails, which means that there is potential to go home and get horizontally acquainted. The dinner goes well and conversation is easy enough but then you start yawning into your dessert wine and catch yourself thinking that you might actually like to go home and eat caramel popcorn in bed, alone. (I know I just had dinner, I’m drunk OK?). A swift exit looks even more enticing when you sneak off to the toilet and text Maddy who agrees to meet you at the local sex shop for a spot of impulse vibrator buying.

After a $400 dinner, numerous cocktails AND oysters these are not positive signs.

I know I don’t speak for the entire population of women here (or men) but to me, being good on paper and ticking boxes that society says one ‘should’ tick does not mean you are excited about the guy ticking YOUR box, or doing anything else in that region for that matter.

Generally we are critical of men for over simplifying or being superficial in their guidelines to attraction because they (often) make major judgements based on aesthetics. But to be honest, they’re not really wrong.

There’s something to be said for the pure, magnetic chemistry and physical, animal attraction that you feel for someone you’re truly into.

Chicks call it butterflies, guys call it a boner and some of us deny it, so that we can steer ourselves towards making better, more mature decisions (boring).

Perhaps I’m too picky, or idealistic. Maybe deep down I’m a romantic and should be hanging in the 1800’s with Austen and her side saddle riding boys, but to me, if I don’t want to tear a guys clothes off and lick champagne off their naked body then it’s a pretty clear indicator that I am not interested.

Posted by    |   July 8th, 2015   |   No Comments

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