Top one million great things about being single

(Yes, I said one MILLION)

I know that we all reach a certain age and everywhere we turn friends and family alike are getting married, signing mortgages and popping out kids. It’s these times that we’re susceptible to feeling like we’re growing scales under our clothes just because our relationship status is single. Sometimes it’s difficult being amongst a group of couples or meeting new people who repetitively ply; “Why are you single?”. Just incase you find yourself sinking into despair and falling prey to the mindset that there might really be something wrong with you here’s some reminders to jog your memory about why it’s really kinda cool to be solo after all.

  • Going to get your morning coffee doesn’t cost $97 after you add in the necessary muffins, bagels and sandwiches to fuel the insatiable hangry beast next to you
  • There’s no need to politely try and tell someone that you don’t like something or you don’t want to do go somewhere because you simply don’t
  • Fake tan is okay and if it wrecks your sheets nobody complains
  • Got your period? No worries, and no need to apologise, or explain emotional volatility
  • If your dirty clothes are sprawled all over your own floor it’s nobody’s fault but your own
  • If you don’t want to eat 17 times a day, that’s acceptable
  • You can go back to the blissful fantasy reality that nobody poos
  • You can dress however you like without the concern of heel height, or a man ‘understanding’ your outfit
  • It is scientifically proven that women sleep better without men  drooling all over them
  • More Christmas presents FOR YOURSELF
  • You don’t have to wait around for anyone to finish work then casually tell you that they’re going to play football, train, bond with people, or overuse their thumbs on a brain numbing video game and come to the realisation that the last 87 minutes that you’ve been waiting for them to call/half applying mascara just in case is a fucking waste of time
  • You don’t have to write a memo, diagram or fucking flow chart to make someone understand why their actions have hurt you and why they should apologise
  • You don’t have to ‘take the high road’ and be the ‘bigger person’ when you know you’re actually right
  • No more pretending to enjoy boring action, post apocalyptic, fantasy films
  • You don’t have to play it cool while he and his flatmate talk about how many hot chicks there are at xyz bar or how out of control sexy Jasmine Pookes Tookes is
  • You don’t need to worry that someone else’s complacency may indicate that they don’t want to be in a relationship
  • You can stop worrying about ‘that chick on Instagram’ that he had a flirtation with but didn’t fuck because he’d drunk too much Mount Gay y and couldn’t get it up yet theres still sexual tension despite the fact that he denies it
  • Nobody will breathe their boozehound breath on you in the morning
  • Your indecision will only irritate you
  • Spending all of your money on a Chanel bag needs zero justifying..

All the single ladies, all the single ladies…. Can ya put yo hands up!?!?


Posted by    |   April 17th, 2017   |   No Comments

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