Are you in a relationship for the wrong reasons?

Personally I find it hard to believe that a relationship is something you could just ‘fall into’ but I guess maybe I live on the officious side of life. What happens? You’re just walking along and slip into a bottle of champagne then trip over onto a penis? Next thing you know you’re at Bunnings on a Sunday morning searching for Devil’s Ivy? Nah uh. There are a BUNCH of cognitive, full-blooded, heart searching decisions that (should) arise before you pass go and start sharing washing powder. I say should with an air of suspicion because if they’re not appearing, blatantly then you’re deeper in denial than I would hope for.

Just in case you are harbouring one of those really awkward niggling feelings about the semi-relationship you’ve fallen into/can’t get out of/are testing out then I’ll help you into a firm definition so you can GTFO!

  • You can only deal with the idea of being pleasant towards this person after 14 margaritas
  • Your living expenses are too high for just a single person so splitting rent seems like the only valid option
  • You’re staying together for the sake of your fur baby
  • You kinda like Australia and want to live here, ipso facto a relationship equals a visa
  • He or she pays for your rent/college tuition, gym fees, travel or luxury goods addiction
  • He or she is your boss
  • Every day you wake up and wonder why you’re not taking photos of half naked babes frolicking in wet white shirts and then realise you’re not allowed to because, relationship
  • You have nobody else to text for a booty call
  • All of your friends are getting married/having babies and you cannot attend anymore celebrations as a single person
  • Sunday afternoons seem extremely lonely
  • You don’t want to give back his jeans/basketball singlets or aviators if you break up
  • You don’t like your own company
  • You’re bored
  • You’re just waiting til after Christmas/Valentines Day or their birthday so that you can respectfully break up with them
  • They’ve guilted you into staying with them more than once so you’re just a bit stuck
  • They’re an emotional crutch to distract you from the other things in your life that you don’t like much
  • You think that if you break up with them you’ll be single forever and end up as an old cat lady with a large collection of scented candles
  • You’re scared of being alone
  • You’ve come this far so you may aswell get married, get a mortgage and be miserable
  • You’ll break up with him, just as soon as you lose 5kg, get a new job, go to Thailand together, move house, pay off your loan.

Breaking up with someone is hard, sad and exhausting. Living inside a relationship in which you feel your soul rotting is even worse. Cntrl Alt DELETE!


JLM xx

Posted by    |   March 27th, 2017   |   No Comments

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