How to: The Single (Girls) Guide to Surviving Events Sans Plus One
The Event: The Races
Spring Racing season is well and truly upon us, and with the infamous Melbourne Cup only a week away I think it’s high time we define race day etiquette.
- Dress appropriately. Traditionally the races were classified as an event of prestige which means that your dress code should be more sophistication less skank factor 2000. A lot of race days are also themed. This is not like a ‘suggested’ mufty day. Honour the tradition of the day and put effort into your attire; whether it be black and white, florals or suits.
- KEEP YOUR FUCKING SHOES ON.
- There’s nothing wrong with enthusiasm but hollering, chanting or ferociously hooting at horses does not a lady make.
- On the note of shoes, make sure you never commit the loo faux pas of dragging a TP train around on your heel
- This is the only event at which I suggest you closely monitor the amount of breakfast drinking you do. Day drinking takes its toll and champagne vomit is never glamorous (no matter how oddly appealing it may sound).
- Take care of all beauty applications and hair styling BEFORE you commence pre drinking so you don’t wind up looking like a clown or mistaking grey eyeshadow for blush.
- Fake tan with caution! Orange is not the new black.
- Never pash anyone at the bar, no matter how hot you think they are through your champagne goggles.
- Keep your hands and legs inside the carriage at all time. No heavy petting in full daylight. It’s never erotic no matter how intoxicated you are.
- Stay hydrated to avoid waking up smelling like a day-old booze hound, and, in order to make it through til the race starts.
- Strap yourself in: nipples, back fat and side boobage should be appropriately covered at all times.
- Wear appropriate underwear, and, make sure nobody sees it when you are performing functional movements like sitting or walking.
Remember: always drink, bet and be sexy responsibly.
Posted by jlm | October 20th, 2015 | 2 Comments