Men are not cavemen anymore. Nope. Men are now connected, interactive, reactive, fashionable and sensitive individuals. They are also more adept at understanding that womens actions have consequences for them. This newfound awareness means that they can specifically tailor their behaviour to fulfil our (perceived) ideals. Ipso facto, we give them what they want.
Despite this apparent evolution of the male species everything remains rooted in the same ubiquitous fact, that is: single males navigate the dating world, (and women) using the below equation:
“What is the minimal effort required for me to reach maximum return, and, my ultimate goal of getting to have sex with a woman?”
For a little while this went right over my head, because, I wrongly assumed that effort and desire were mutually exclusive. And, really, that men weren’t all that cluey yet. But I was wrong.
Certainly we have established that when a man likes you he will show you. He will be seen in public with you. He will dress up for you. He will take you out for dinner somewhere other than the take-away dumpling hovel under his apartment. (See The Talk and Why He Hasn’t Asked You Out) But this lesson expands on this foundation to cater for the evolution of human nature and male behavioural patterns.
Men incorporate ‘tricks’ (things that they know women like and want) to help boost their chances of getting what they want. (Kind of like implementing buzz words into articles to increase hashtaggage.) So, lets just call it savvy marketing. This means that their actions are not as transparent as what we’ve become accustomed to. And confusingly they will, or may still put in effort in the hope of a ‘Return on Investment’ (i.e. sex).
You must recognise that this analysis is accurate in 85% of dating situations. Especially in those (very common) ones labelled ‘It’s Complicated’, ‘Seeing Each Other’, Kind Of’, ‘More Than Sex – Less than Boyfriend’, ‘Opps – He’s my friends Ex’, ‘Oh No, I fell for him’, ‘Boy Toy turned Husband Material’. Even though in the past they have turned up to see you in sweaty gym gear and taken you to the pub for a steak and now #holyshit he’s holding a rose and wearing a vest…Hear me, because this is GOSPEL.
And if it’s still not clear enough, here are the two options.
1) Effort at any stage of the game could mean that a man wants to be with you, he’s just behind the 8 ball and has now made the decision to show you that he likes you. If this is the case, he will make it abundantly clear very quickly.
2) On the other hand, this sudden romantic, generous or chivalrous actions implies that said gentleman has realised that you are unimpressed with his past behaviour – either you’ve told him so, or you’ve suggested it by cutting off his access to sex. In a swift attempt to problem solve and bring back the booty he gives you want you want; that is the smoke and mirrors that indicates that he’s into you, values you and wants to make you feel special.
Seeing that he’s made effort, you cognitively calculate that this must amount to some type of feelings on his behalf. You are impressed, grateful and reward his effort with sex. The quicker you reward him, the less he thinks he has to do in order to receive sexual gratification. And there’s that equation solved.
JLM x x