Ever wondered what your cocktail says about you? Just like reading your tea bag or your palm what you sip has everyone peeking into the corners of your psyche. As you select your tipple of choice over this coming long weekend of celebrating here’s what your cocktail says about you…
Espresso Martini –I’m tired, stressed, horny and am on the relentless pursuit of chaos. I would really rather be buying a bag of Cocaine, but I don’t have $280 so this is the next best thing. 10 x Espresso Martinis please.
Margharita – Let’s get wild. I need to get laid. Did I say wild? I hope I wake up with Polaroid pictures of me dancing on stage at a strip club tucked into my underwear.
Negroni – I am Artistic; I like berets, depressing music and grainy photographs.
Bellini – I wish this bar was a castle and the stool beneath me a unicorn with glitter dust wings because I’m a princess and I like peach fairy floss in my liquor.
Gin & Tonic – I’m serious. This is serious. I need some time to think. Don’t look at me while I’m being pensive. Does anyone have a cigarette?
Jäger Bomb – Van Wilder is my hero. Please let me go back to college.
Cosmopolitan – I haven’t been out since 1994.
Bundy –Bi%$h better have my MONEY!
Mojito – It’s 8 degrees but if I close my eyes and concentrate on the scent of fake tan, Coconut candles and the Café Del Mar soundtrack playing I may be able to satisfy my own outlandish fantasy that it is still summer and I don’t have a severe case of wanderlust.
Champagne – me me me me ME. I am here to CELEBRATE. Shiny, SPARKLY, shiny THINGS! And I will be firrrrrrrrrrst to be carried out of the bar. Exclamation POINT!
Daquiri – I am 16. Or, it’s 7.30am and I am mother-fucking-Hemmingway and comfortable in my masculinity.
Bloody Mary – I have been drinking non-stop for 48 hours years.
Aperol spritz – I like myself. This is the new in thing and I am the new in thing. I have access to a boat.